1 Year Since the Diagnosis

One year ago today Harvey's and my lives changed forever. One year ago today, I got the news that Harvey had lung cancer and that there was no treatment. It was in both lungs; he was a giant breed dog and was almost 12 years old. Any treatment would have diminished the time we had left. The cancer had metastasized from somewhere else and we didn't know where. The news came hard. I had experienced cancer in dogs before—but this guy was my soul dog. He changed me. He made me a much better person.

One year ago today, the first of the anticipatory grief set in. The knowledge that I was losing my brother, my best friend, and my hero set in. He was my boy in every sense of the word. We were inseparable. We were each other's shadow. Upon getting the news I was numb. My mind was clouded with thoughts of "How do we get through this?" and "How do I live without him?" and "How do I make his time left the absolute best?"

I knew that there was something going on in Harvey's body. I had seen the subtle changes taking place. The slowing of his walking on warm days. His breath sounds changing. The cough he had developed. The vet was skeptical of what I was telling her when I took Harv in for his appointment. She said I was imagining things but I insisted. I didn't want to go down some rabbit hole, but I owed it to him to make sure he was comfortable and pain-free. I pushed to have chest x-rays done and they confirmed my worst thoughts. They were followed up with ultrasounds and blood tests and all kinds of other tests. None of the tests showed anything out of the ordinary. The treatment to begin was to just watch for changes and keep him happy. His appetite hadn't changed, he was more thirsty than normal and he had lost lung capacity.

We spent the next few months learning what it meant for my boy to have lung cancer. We walked as much as we always did. He always wanted to go. I was able to limit the amount of time on the road I had to spend. I would give up my job to be by his side as he fought this battle. I didn't ride my bike, or go out with friends or do anything that took me away from his side.